For this piece, It is an obituary of John Deere, I would like feed back on this for some stuff you think I'm missing and stuff that is good about it. Because for my final draft I'd like to improve it. In the info there's some small words, when i typed this I forgot to put it in it says "After John's death the people of Moline, Illinois were very sad." (Click on link to see larger image.
It kind of says "After John's death the people of Moline, Illinois were very sad." It just has it in different words. I think this is a very good piece to write on. This is a very important piece and I think this is good just the was it is. But that is my opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think that you could possible add information on how he changed peoples lives. Some people don' know how John changed peoples lives. I think that you did a very good drawing of him. Maybe you could make the article more like an obituary from a newspaper. Maybe you could put other articles on the side so it looks like not one person died, but you don't want to make them big. Other than that, i think this article is very creative.
ReplyDeleteI think that you could try to add more personal information about him and his family. I also agree with Lili, you might want to tell how he changed peoples' lives. Otherwise, it's well written, and your drawing is really good.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Lili, you should include more information about John and what he did that was so important. Other then that it's good.
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I think that the piece looks very original.
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